


Losing Control

by Fangirlmoon



Series: Losing control [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fainting, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Passing Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 9,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28920849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlmoon/pseuds/Fangirlmoon
Summary: Spencer has a problem with fainting.__________________The different times were Spencer faints and how different team member handle it.
Series: Losing control [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2127735
Comments: 22
Kudos: 122





	1. Hotch

Hotch: 

They have talked about it. Several times, and a couple of times even argued about it but by now it had become a rule everybody follows. When they are on a case, and leave the four walls of the BAU headquarters or the precinct they are currently working at, someone had to be with Spencer at any time and when Hotch tells him to stay in the car or at the precinct he was no longer arguing but everytime Hotch sees their youngest agent faint, something inside of him breaks and spreads a nervousness throughout his body he can't describe. 

They are alone in the conference room at a precinct in LA when it happens. Spencer goes from clearly spoken words, to words that sound like his tongue weights suddenly more before holding himself at a chair. 

Calmly but nervous, a feeling he things he never will get used too, overcomes the Unit chief as he puts the file down and slowly guides Spencer to the ground. Putting his hand under his curls and checking his puls. 

"Is he okay?" An officer asks after entering the conference room.

"He will be, thank you." Hotch checks his watch, everything under 15 minutes is fine after that they have a right to get worried is what Spencer always says eventhough everybody gets worried after the first 30 seconds. Spencer sometimes got mad when he woke up and saw that everyone stopped what they were doing, claiming that it wouldn't bother him if they continued what they were doing while he is unconscious but nobody could actually do that. 

"How long is he out?" Emily asks as she enters the room.

"3 minutes and 34 seconds." 

"Did he hit his head or something?"

"No I catched him." Most of them had this underlying fear of Spencer fainting on their watch and letting him get hurt. "He is waking up." He waited a moment before addressing him. "Hey, you with us?"

"Mmm"

"Good, stay down for a second." Carefully Hotch ran a hand through Spencer's hair only allowing this kind of intimacy in moments like this. "You are feeling okay?"

"Yes I am not gonna pass out again." They waited for another moment before Hotch helps him up on a chair. "Were were we?"


	2. Rossi

Rossi: 

He was sceptical when he found out about Spencer's condition, Reid always pushes everyone to not call it a disease. He didn't think he would do any good in the field if he leaves the world for a few minutes now and then. On top of it came the constant rambling but shortly after his first case back with the BAU he had sworn himself to protect this kid the best he can. 

It was his third case back and he has seen the kid faint a couple of times by now, the first time was surprising,they were at the conference room when Reid stopped talking and Morgan catched him by his waist, bringing him down and crawling him into his arms. "Okay, we are sitting down, nothing happen." He watched the older agent calm himself down before checking the puls of the kid.

"Does this happen often?" Rossi had asked due his tensed up but not to worried coworkers. 

"Yeah,he faints occasionally, sometimes he goes days being fine, sometimes he faints a couple of times in a day." Hotch explains.

"And he works here?"

"Yes, he is a valuable asset to the team. How long Morgan?"

"One minute." Morgan answered checking his watch. 

"He normally stays unconscious between 30 seconds and 8 minutes but everything under 15 minutes is okay. After that we call an ambulance." 

"Did that happen before?"

"Twice."

"I still don't know how he could pass the academy."

"You will find out soon." 

The moment he swore to himself he would protect him at all cost was when they were checking out a lead. They were standing in the small clothing store when Reid started grabbing his jacket as his knees buckled. "Here you go." Rossi instantly lost his cool on the inside, carefully holding the young Agent that now even more looks like a child. "Reid." He slightly touches his cheek. "Reid."

"Can I do something, Agent?"

"No, I was told he does that regularly."

"C'mon wake up." It took Reid one Minute before waking up and looking scared and distraught in the Agents eyes. "Hey it's okay nothing happened." And then he went slack again, his head rolling against Rossi. "That is new." Five minutes out and the kid wakes up again, clinging with his left to Rossi's jacket, visibly scared. "You are gonna be alright."

"No, don't want to pa-" And passed out again. Now a little bit panicking he tries to remember what Hotch had told him about Reid's condition before picking up his phone and calling him.

"Did you get something?"

"No, Reid keeps passing out. It's the third time now. The first lasted two minutes the second five what do I do?"

"Be there for him. If you want to start ranting about how he is not fitting the job description, do it later. Just wait it out with him and remind him that fighting it will make it worse." Insecure Rossi looks down at the man who has his head laying in the crotch of Rossi's arm. "Do you want me to stay on the phone?"

"No, I've got this. After how many times do I have to call an ambulance?"

"If he is longer unconscious than 15 minutes without waking up in between."

"I'll call you when we are on our way back."

"Okay, be gentle with him." Hotch pressed before the oldest agents attention was fully back on Reid who took a couple more minutes before coming back to himself. Shaking while looking around the room. 

"Alright, you are doing good. Do you remember what happened?"

"Passed out, again, gonna-" His hand again searches for the jacket but was meeted by Rossis hand instead.

"Its alright, you are gonna be fine."

"I am not." A tear streamed down his face before he passed out again and Rossi could do nothing but check his own watch counting the minutes. "I feel sick."

"That is gonna pass kiddo." 

"I don't want to pass out again." Scared he looked his new coworker directly into the eyes. 

"Don't fight it." There was really no advice he could give him except for the ones Hotch gave him. "I'll watch over you,nothing can happen." He passed out two more times before staying awake for long enough for Rossi to think it will be fine.

"Drink something."

"I am sorry I embarrassed you."

"You did not,its okay." The face he made out of fear of passing out again was the one that now would always appear in his mind when they were signs he would faint again.

"Morgan is going to bring him to the hotel." Hotch explained as he watches the two of them walk out of the precinct. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just feel like I haven't slept in weeks. I don't even want to imagine how he feels."

"Normally after he passes out, surprisingly energetic."

"That was not energetic. He nearly fell asleep in the car."

"That he passes out this often is also not considered normal, even for him but he will be fine."

"I think I am to old for this. My poor heart this kid is gonna give me a lot of heart attacks and grey hair. I can already feel them growing."


	3. Emily

Emily:

"I don't think the movie was what you told me it would be." Spencer said as the two of them walked out of the cinema onto the sidewalk.

"What do you mean it wasn't what I told you it would be?"

"You said it would be a movie, every person needs to watch to be educated."

"It is."

"It was about People with superpowers!"

"Education Reid." Annoyed he rolled his eyes. "You had fun. You smiled and talked about physics mistakes throughout the whole movie."

"Whatever." Silently they walked down the path walk, heading to a restaurant they would always visit when they were at the movies. After Emily had said no the night before she disappeared and left him and the team, faking her death, she didn't have the heart to decline his offers of going to see old Russian movies anymore.

"You know JJ will get you to watch twilight at some point."

"She made me read it."

"And?"

"No." Laughing they crossed the street heading to the door of the restuarant. "Emily-"

"What?" Her instincts made her grab the hand that was grabbing her arm. "Oh Spencer" Which allowed her to catch him befor he went down on the path walk and shortly after lost consciousness. "You are gonna be okay." She promised more to herself as to him,the kid knew he would be, and checked his watch, tracking his pulse, something Morgan had bought him and insisted on. "We need to talk about time and place managment when you wake up." Carefully she moves his curls out of his hair as his head was laying in her lap. She sitting on the sidewalk.

"Excuse me Ma'am, do you want me to call an ambulance?"

"No we will be fine,he has a habit of doing that." She excuses them to the waitress who came out of the restuarant.

"Do you need anything?"

"No but thank you." It felt like an infinity sitting there in the cold, waiting for Reid to wake up while people passed by asking if he was okay. She wished she could make a sign saying "he is fine, thank you for asking. I don't take criticism in the way I handle this." 

He came back to himself after very cold six minutes. "Mm sorry."

"There is nothing you have to be sorry for okay?" Comforting she let's her fingers run over his scalp. "You think you can sit up already?"

"Yeah" 

"We don't have to eat in that restuarant we can eat at your home or mine if you prefer it."

"No no no it's fine. We planned this,we always do this and I can't always cancel stuff because of this." Spencer explained, the anger at himself in his voice.

"This is something you can't control. It is not your fault and fighting it is not gonna make things better. You have good and bad days and sometimes weeks,but that is not something you should be ashamed off."


	4. Jack

"Daddy, daddy!" Yelling and running the Jack came back inside Hotch's office. 

"What is it?" 

"Spencer and I were doing my homework and then, and then I don't know." Jack's eyes were full with tears as he told him that. 

"Did he pass out?"

"He doesn't move anymore." Quickly he picks his son up, placing him in front of Rossis door and telling him to go to Uncle Dave before rushing into the conference room were Spencer was laying on the floor.

Worried he checked the man for cuts on the head before calming down a little bit after also checking the man's watch that was probably the only modern technology he owns.

Meanwhile Rossi had the crying kid in his arm. Calming him down from tge shock. "Uncle Spencer will be up again in no time and then you can play again."

"Is he dead?Like my mom?"

Shocked Rossi wiped the tears from the kid's cheek as he was looking through his open door into the conference room waiting for Spencer to sit up again. "No,he will be fine. He just fainted, that happens sometimes to people and it happens a lot to Spencer but he always wakes up again." 

Hotch had nightmares about the possibility of Reid not waking up. Of him passing out in his apartment, cracking his head open and not being found again. Not knowing when in particular he passed out let's him even more stress out when they headed for the 10 minute mark, shaking his head to Rossi before calling for Morgan who quickly ran up the stairs. "How long?"

"10 minutes since I am in here but Jack was with him. I don't know how long it took before he got to me."

"2 minutes more and we will call an ambulance." Morgan decided,checking Reids puls again who woke up one and a half minute later making Hotch breath out heavily.

"Take it slow,kid." Morgan advices while Hotch gets up, losing the tie a little bit before going to Jack and Rossi.

"It's okay Buddy, Spencer is okay now." With a grateful nod he took his son from Rossi.

"Is Spencer sick daddy?"

"Well he isn't sick in the way you get sick. They are different kinds and he is sick but he always feels good just sometimes something like this happens." He tried to explain it the best way he could. "Do you want to see him?"

"No." Scared he hid his face in his father's neck. 

"But I am sure you wanted to finish your homework with him. What was it?"

"Math."

"Well Spencer is the best in math, you want to get help from the champion himself don't you?" In conference room he saw Spencer sitting up, drinking a little bit of water before looking apologetic to Hotch. "I am sure he would love a hug from you."

With his son in his arm he walked to the conference room were the small boy looked scared at Spencer. "Hey buddy,I am sorry I scared you."

"Its okay."

"You want to keep doing your homework?" Sometimes Hotch thinks Spencer forgets what him passing out for twelve minutes leaves for an impression on the others in the room but as he let his son down the boy surprised Spencer with a hug. "I am okay now, Buddy. And you did everything right with going to your dad." Morgan got up from the ground, going ones through Jack's hair. Hotch knew every time this happens it leaves his agent angry for not being able to do something and scared that this will get worse,but they will get through it, even if at this point nobody believes that it will stop again.


	5. Kate

"Please don't get scared, I am gonna pass out." Was everything Kate heard before the young Agent passed out next to hear on the elevator, hitting his head on the handrail. 

"Oh god." Surprised she got down in front of him, lowering him as much as it was possible before checking his pulse and then realizing he wears a watch showing his heartrate. "Somebody help!" She yelled as the elevator doors open, holding her leg in the sensor of the door,her hands were covered in blood when a blond Agent was running towards her. 

"Oh god,Spence." As quick as possible she got into the elevator helping Kate arranging him into fully laying on the ground. "Okay,hold the door open."

"He told me he was gonna pass out right before. I am so sorry."

"Its not your fault, this happens. He will be alright. How long is he out?"

"Maybe a minute, I called for help the moment we reached this level." To their relive Reid opened his eyes shortly after two minutes. "Hey,hey,don't move you hit you head."

"Dizzy."

"I know, don't move, give yourself a few minutes." 

"Were am I?" Confused he slurred his words, looking up to JJ before closing his eyes again.

"Call an ambulance, I don't think that he is passed out now is due to his disease." Kate did what he was told before instructing an bypassing agent to hold the doors open while she made her way downstairs to lead the medics through the security. "Tell someone to inform Agent Hotchner about this." JJ instructed the Agent who was holding the doors open and not long after the man himself was standing in the doors, while hearing what happened from JJ who finished right before the medics came and JJ moved out of the way.

"You must be Agent Callahan."

"I am,Sir. I am not going to shake your hand like this-" Still in shock she gestured to Reid's blood on her hands. "And I am sorry for what happened to him, before I realized what he was saying, he was already down."

"Don't worry, you will get used to it."

"You don't-"

"You have the job, get yourself cleaned up and don't forget that this isn't your fault." She only dared to smile over her new job when Reid walked into the office that evening, after insisting to see her to congratulate her before heading home.

"Don't do that again, Dr. Reid."

"I probably will."


	6. Morgan

"Damn pretty boy,that's your way of getting out of work isn't it?"

"Shut up." Laughing Morgan helped Spencer get up after he fainted at Morgans newest construction project. "Were were we?"

"We were discussing what you rather want to do. Paint this room or help with repairing the sink."

"I think I am gonna stick with the paint." It was no surprise to Morgan that he chooses this tasks and explains to him which wall would need which color before heading into the kitchen across from the room were Reid was to repair the sink. It wasn't often the case that Reid came along with him to renovate a house but when he does it's a good possiblity to clear both their heads while enjoying each others presents. Sometimes they would talk for hours sometimes just work in silence. Today was a day were they worked in silence, the last week was hard and a day like this was often the only opportunity thy get to wrap their heads around what had happened on a case. 

Morgan heard the clink and the sound of something falling but didn't really realize till a little bit later. "Reid?"  
When his friend didn't answer he got up from the ground were he was seated and walked to the living room were Spencer was laying on the floor, his legs in the white paint that was spread across the floor. "Oh man." Carefully he checked the kid's watch and activats the timer. Even if he knew Spencer was okay he couldn't get himself to stand up and stop the painting from flowing towards the corridor but instead checked the kids puls again and waited the full 7 minutes out till he woke up. "Welcome back." 

"Need a moment." 

"That's okay,take your time." Calmly he runs his hand through Spencer's hair before he flinches away when Spencer sat up fast. "Careful!"

"Morgan-" The younger agent tried to get up, he seems to have seen the mess he made, but Morgan stopped him with a hand on his chest. 

"It's not a problem we can fix this."

"How do you wanna fix it?" Again he tried but Morgan got up faster pressing him down into a seating position. "I- I - I didn't mean to."

"I know, it's okay."

"No it's not! Look at the floor." 

"It's just a floor." Morgan got down on his level again. "Don't do that to yourself."

"I ruined it.'

"No,hey." With his hand on Spencer's cheek he forced him to look at him. "Don't work yourself up about this."

"I ruined your floor!"

"Spencer, its okay. That happens."

"No. Don't tell me that happens it doesn't!" 

"Please calm down a little bit we can talk about fixing this, but if you keep this up you will faint again." Worried Morgan had placed one hand on Spencer's chest and one on his back as his breathing had picked up. 

"Stop worrying about me fainting and fix the floor!"

"I am not going to do that." It wasn't the first time Spencer got angry at himself for this and proceeded to project it on others. "That's better,try staying calm."

"I need to lay down again." Anxious Spencer lays down again, his head on Morgans hand, his fingers nervously tapping on the ground. 

"Relax,it's okay. I am not mad."

"I am really really sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Sometimes I can tell when I will pass out but I couldn't this time." He says quietly,picking with his teeth at his lip afterwards. 

"I am just glad you are not hurt."


	7. Will

"Thank you for helping me with this." With a smile Will looked at Spencer after coming home from picking up various things such as cake, cupcakes, and drinks. Will wanted to suprise JJ for her birthday when she comes home from a weekend at a seminar. Spencer had watched the boys for this time and set the table. The others would step by too. 

"Its not a problem, Micheal is actually asleep and Henry just went off to his room."

"He is probably playing with the LEGO set he got. I am sure he showed you."

"Yes. Every piece I believe." Slowly he felt the light rustle creeping in his ears as he watches Will take the grocerys out of the bag. 

"Did the others write you yet?"

"Yes, Garcia is in. As well as Hotch, Rossi and Morgan. I am not sure about Tara she didn't write anything yet." His vision started to be disrupted by dark colored spots. 

"She is new. Maybe call her and tell her that JJ would be really happy to have her here."

"That's probably a good idea." Right when Will turned around he saw Spencer's arm slip from the counter.

"I've got your." With a pounding heartbeat he slides his arm over the edge preventing Spencer from hitting his head on it before grabbing him and guiding him down. Somehow he never witnessed him fainting before,he knew this happens and they spend a great amount of time together.

"Did Spencer faint again?" He was so tensed up he jumped at the voice from his oldest son as he came into the room. 

"Yeah. You said again did he faint earlier?"

"Two times,but don't be mad at him."

"I am not. Its nothing to get mad about, it's not his fault." Nervous Henry went over to his father who puts one arm around him, looking at the watch on his other. "You okay Buddy?"

"I just don't like him fainting."

"Neither do I but we talked about this and Spencer will be fine. Look, he is six minutes out now he has a lot of time to wake up again." It didn't take long for Spencer to wake up after that. "You okay?"

"Yeah I am sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for. Do need something?" 

"Water please." Will got up and got Spencer a glass of Water while Henry makes himself comfortable in Spencer's lap as leans against the kitchen to sit up. "Maybe wait with the cuddles a few minutes,Henry."

"I am good, it's okay." With a still shaking hand he took the glass. 

They got everything and the rest of the team arrived in time too. Spencer was holding Henry in his arms as everyone was crouching on the floor in the dark waiting for JJ to show up. And the suprise was needless to say something that made her smile and maybe even shed a tear. When Spencer fainted again later that evening, Will got up first, checking the man's pulse before turning back to the table while saying. "How do you guys not die of a heart attack? I saw this two times today and feel like I lost ten years of my life."

"Believe me,he is the reason for the gray hair."

"That's your age, Rossi." Spencer mumbled before passing out again and Will pales visibly before JJ puts an comforting arm around him. 

"You'll get used to it."

"Really?"

"No."


	8. Savannah

"What's got you so worked up?" Savannah asks her Boyfriend who keeps getting up from the couch and checks his phone every few minutes before leaving the room and coming back. 

"I told you about Spencer right?"

"You know you did what's wrong?" 

"He is not picking up his damn phone or reading my text messages." 

"And that is a problem why?" From what Morgan had told her, the two of them were inseparable.

"He wanted to text me something about a case."

"Is it so important that you need to know it now?" She asks sceptical.

"No. I don't care if I get that now or later but Spencer doesn't forget something like this and what if he is hurt or didn't wake up or-" Worried Morgan looks at his phone again.

"Wait a second." Confused Savannah got up from the couch. "Why would he not wake up?" Morgan took a moment before realizing that he may or may not had not told her about Reid's condition. 

"I am sorry."

"What is it?"

"He has this condition. No doctor figured out yet what it is,believe me I dragged him to every Doctor in the country when this occurred but no matter how long I got him to stay at that hospital and at this clinic they never found something just passed us through to another specialist and now he-" Comforting Savannah rubs Derek's arm. "I tried everything but he said its enough and doesn't-"

"What is the condition? What happens?"

"He faints and that a lot. Sometimes multiple times a day, sometimes not. Sometimes he gets up afterwards like he just slept for eight hours sometimes he feels like he hasn't slept in 48 hours. Sometimes he faints wakes up for a few second and faints again."

"You never told me."

"I am sorry it wasn't on purpose." In that moment his phone rings. "Spencer?"

"Yeah, I am so sorry I stayed behind in the office and just only got to look up the name."

"It's fine don't worry." He gave Morgan the name and information and wished him a goodnight before hanging up. "Sometimes I don't think he even knows how much we worry." 

They continued to enjoy their evening it wasn't till late at night,Savannah's head resting on his chest when he starts talking about it again.

"I just have always this underlying fear that Spencer is laying in his apartment waiting for somebody to come and help him. Or in a subway station were what god knows could happen or on the street and getting hit by car,I just- I just always hoped we would find out what it is so it could be fixed or medicated. When he first fainted,I just thought he hadn't eat enough and than it got more and more and I was stuffing him with food and water and he went to see a doctor who admitted him to the hospital and he called me, because he was so scared, Oh God he was so young, so I did everything I could,Hotch too. We searched for doctors specialized in anything that could be a reason. We found people with the same problem and we always hoped, I always hoped that this would go away again. Everytime a doctor told us he knew what this was, Spencer had so much hope and then it was just shattered again. He refuses to go to any doctor by now."

"You are the best friend somebody could wish for." Savannah quietly spoke,not sure how to make his hurt better.

"We argued so much, oh god, I always wanted to do what is best and I convinced him to try another doctor and another one and he was so tired at some point he let everything happen,he just let bad news come over bad news that kid went through so much and I just always hoped I could at least make this one thing better."

"I am sure you do, you are there for him. You check on him, you worry about him." 

It wasn't till four days later when Svannah would finally meet the famous Doctor Spencer Reid. They would be having dinner at Morgans place, he had cooked and was now waiting on his girlfriend while Spencer was impatiently moving on his chair. "What's up with you kid?"

"I am just nervous that's all."

"Why? There is nothing to be nervous about."

"People don't like me when they met me."

"That's not true. Don't say that." 

"Well it's true. I talk to much, I don't know how to interact with people, I look weird and on top of that I just leave the conversation for a few minutes." It hurts Morgan to hear his best friend talk like this. 

"First of,don't worry about the last part she is a nurse that won't scare her away. And secondly you don't look weird. And you are free to talk as much as you want." With his eyes on Spencer he places the last bowl down before sitting down on the chair in front of him. It was a small Kitchen Table,Reid never got why Morgan would spare Money at that when he cooks so often and renovates houses for fun. "C'mon she only heard the good about you." They were interrupted by the door bell. "And there she is."

"There you are." Morgan pulls his girlfriend into a hug before giving her a kiss. "How was your day?"

"I can't wait to eat something. I am starving."

"Lucky you because-"

"Oh no, I forgot the dinner." Apologetic she looks at Morgan and then Reid. "I am so sorry,I am Savannah hi."

"Spencer." She realizes quick that he is not going to shake her hand. "It's nice to meet you. If you need to rest we can-"

"No no no, Just please don't mind me looking like this."

"It's not a problem, you look good." Spencer awkwardly stumbled out. 

"I like him"

"Wow wow wow,you two are supposed- Wait- this is not gonna be a we bully Derek Morgan club. No teaching her some of the prank skills you've got up your sleep." Spencer laughed at that which eased the tension. "I cooked so you better wanna lose that coat and then join us in the kitchen."

"Let me change in something less work related."

With that she fled into the bedroom,grabbing a shirt and Jeans in which she changed after a quick shower before coming back to the kitchen. 

"Derek decided to eat to dinner with me after I had patient puke on me. You didn't." Disgusted Spencer looks at Morgan while he broke into laughter. 

"Pretty boy don't worry she showers before you know-"

"I don't wanna hear that." Uncomfortable Reid looks at Morgan who was just laughing while Savannah had a smile on her face. 

"Okay,now that we got that behind us,we can finally eat." Morgan announced grabbing the pot and placing some of the rice on Savannah's plate. "Spencer?"

"Mm-"

"Savannah-" Quickly she reaches out to him, catching him in her arms before Spencer could hit the ground face forward. "Oh Thank God." Carefully she places him down on the floor checking his pulse while Morgan carefully steps around them getting down to the ground on the other side. 

"When does he usually wake up?"

"Normally under eight minutes but everything under 15 is okay." He was suprise by how much it calmed him down that Savannah was there. 

"I spoke to a doctor that does treat patients sometimes in the hospital I work at and he would like to look at him."

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"Like I said, we stopped that." They felt in an uncomfortable silence till Spencer slowly opened his eyes and looked at Savannah who had her hand on his head. 

"Hey you, welcome back. Do you remember what happened?"

"Did I pass out?" He was slurring his words as he said that. 

"You did."

"I am sorry."

"Hey,nothing with that." Morgan stepped in. "What do we say we move dinner to the couch?"

"Mmm"

"Alright, try to sit up." With the help of Savannah and Morgan he managed to but was to scared to let go of his hand again. "What's wrong?"

"Tired."

"Will you pass out again?"

"No, just tired."

"That's alright, we will move you to the couch and you can sleep." He waited for the okay from Reid before pulling him and helping him to the couch. "Just try and relax for a bit." Reid was sitting up, his head resting on the upper side of the couch as Morgan pulled a blanket over his legs. 

"I'm sorry."

"Everything is fine." Morgan held his hand to Reid's cheek for a second, giving him comfort before pulling it away and letting him sink in more into the cushion.

"I prepared plates but I don't think he will eat." Savannah says, while looking over to the couch. 

"He needs time." 

"Of course."

They decided to still eat their dinner in the kitchen, Morgan could see that Savannah had lost her appetite eventhough she sees something like this every day. "What's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?"

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Is this about the Dr. ? Listen I appreciate this but that guy needs to have a hell lot to offer to get Spencer to do any more tests of any kind." His hand strokes her fingers before taking her hand in his. "Look, if that guy is really someone you trust, I will talk to him but I don't need to see the hurt again when it doesn't work out." 

"No of course."

"I love you."

She signs for a moment,reliving the tension in herself that was build up since the moment Spencer passed out. "I love you too."

They were interrupted by a quiet "Morgan?" coming from the living room. It was so painfully quiet said, it made Morgans heart clench. 

"I am coming." Surprised he looked at Reid who was still in the same position but looking even more miserable than before. "What's wrong?"

"I feel dizzy." He says looking up to Morgan before closing his eyes again. 

"Do you think you will faint?"

"No,no I mean since I passed out the last time."

"Wow that was nearly an hour ago. Why didn't you say something?" 

"I didn't want to ruin your evening. I already ruin so many things." He was on the edge to just breaking down and openly crying. He felt so miserable and was afraid to either pass out again or throw up. 

"Maybe let's lay you down flat." Morgan took Reids leg and shifted them so he could slide down and just lay on his back while Reid's breathing picked up. "Hey hey hey,it's okay. You are okay." 

"Please make it stop."

"I wish I could."

"Please." Now he was crying. Painfully sobbing while Morgan just sits there wiping the tears of his cheeks. "I don't want this anymore." It wasn't untypical for Spencer to break down like this a couple years ago but Morgan didn't see it happen in a long time it was especially surprising since Savannah was there and Reid normally didn't show any weakness regarding this around other people than his close Friends. 

"I know that I promised you we will find a way to stop this, but even if we don't you are so strong and I don't know how this feels but if I have to pick you up till you are old and grey than so it be okay? And Savannah just told me that she found a doctor who would be interested in talking to you." Sadly Savannah smiled at the scene. "Well maybe she bullied him in that you never know with that women." The talking made Spencer quiet down till he eventually stopped crying. "I say you sleep here and we try the whole getting to know each other thing again in the morning if you are up for it then."

"Work."

"What is Hotch gonna do? Fire us because we had Breakfast and forgot the time." Morgan stayed at the couch for a little bit longer,just playing with Spencer's hair before joining Savannah in bed. "So your first impression?"


	9. JJ

"So what do think will this be the time we hear that someone did find something?" JJ asks as she waits with Rossi infront of the hospital, waiting for Reid and Morgan to come back out with the results. Reid had started seeing the doctor that Savannah talked about and it had been disappointing. Reid was beaten down and last weeks they did the last tests and were asked to come in. 

"I didn't give up hope yet."

"I didn't either but I just have to think about Spencer in hospitals and I think that sight is worse than him passing out. He hates it in there,its to bright and to loud for him. He is scared of them by now." 

"There they come." One look at them and it was clear that it wasn't good news and when you look at the time they spend in there it can't be that they found something more devastating than not knowing either. "And?"

"Nothing. Everything is fine." Morgan says a hand on Spencer's shoulder. 

"I am sorry Spence." JJ spoke first approaching him.

"I just want to go home." 

"Of course."

"I'll drive you." Morgan offers. 

"No it's fine. I will go with JJ."

"Okay whatever you want." Rossi and Morgan watched the two of them as they walked to her car. 

"I could use a drink."

"Tell me about it." 

"Are you allowed to drink?" Rossi asks carefully. It has been 2 months since Morgan had been kidnapped. 

"I don't give a damn."

"Well than my house it is."

Meanwhile JJ had Spencer sitting next to her who was obviously not doing okay but she didn't know what to say to him either. She wished she knew which words could comfort him but there aren't any that came to her mind right now. "I am pretty sure Hotch won't mind if you take the day off tomorrow."

"I can work."

"Alright. Is it okay if I walk you up? Just enjoy the coziness of your apartment."

"Yeah, you can do that. I bought cake yesterday we can eat the leftovers if you want." 

"Perfect." Together they walked up to the apartment and it did take Spencer hardly five minutes till he faints but comes back to himself quickly and with a mood change. "You were just out for three minutes."JJ says.

"I would appreciate if I wouldn't pass out at all." Angry he got up from the floor,holding himself against the wall as his legs buckled for a moment. "I don't even know why I agreed to see this stupid doctor,all it caused was me wasting my time. It didn't do anything else." 

"You know now that you tried."

"I try to find out what's wrong with me every single day." 

"I am sorry Spencer. I am sorry that you live with this but sometimes something's can't be changed. And maybe you will one day find out how to overcome this but right now and I can only imagine how awful this is, the only thing you can do is let this happen."

"I let this happen for the last 13 years." He let's his hand slide down from the wall holding himself on top of a shelf. "I always thought at this age I would be sitting in a psychiatric hospital or I don't know were and somehow this feels like, I don't know I just,right now I don't even know what would be worse."

"We both know which one of the two things is better,but stop comparing that. You have your job,you have us and we are here and we will help you if you need help but you are doing so good on your own. Even if this wasn't part of your life, people would still look at you and wonder how the hell you manage to get up every day and just be you. I am proud of you,do you hear that?"

"I am not."

"You should be but believe me there are a lot of people who are proud of you for you."


	10. Hotch II

The first time Reid faints at the office after the appointment,you can see something in all of them hurt. "I've got you." Quickly Hotch reaches for him as they walked into the bullpen, guiding him down by his waist, having his hand in his subordinate's hair guiding slowly through his curls. "You are alright take you time." Against Hotch's advice Spencer pushed himself from the ground not even thirty seconds after he came back to himself causing the Teamleader to grab him under the arms helping him up. 

"Stop that. I can do this. I don't need your help."

"Reid-"

"Let go,Hotch." With a sight he does,letting the man fall on his hands before pushing himself back up, slowly limping toward his desk. 

"Did you hurt yourself?" 

"Just leave me alone okay? I don't need you babying me." Guilty Hotch does leave him alone, walking the steps up to his office while JJ sat down at her desk having an eye on him and so did Tara.


	11. Gideon

The first time the kid passes out,was somehow not a suprise to anyone. They were standing in a conference room at a police station, Reid had started working at the BAU a few months ago and was doing anything to prove himself which left the man worrying.

"You okay?"

"I don't know- I- I-" Worried Gideon takes a step forward. "I feel kinda weird, I don't know- I-" And then he collapsed,the files falling out of his hands causing him and Morgan to rush forward before he passes out. 

"JJ call an ambulance."Hotch ordered.

"Don't. The kid hasn't eaten anything today, he will be fine he just fainted." Right when he finished the sentence, Spencer came back to himself not even thirty seconds out.

"What happened?"

"You fainted." Morgan says while helping him sit up. 

"I'll get a soda and after that something to eat for him." JJ announces leaving the room. 

Comforting Gideon had a hand placed on the kids shoulder, trying to calm him down a little bit. "I am sorry I didn't know what was happening."

"It's okay, most people don't." Encouraging he smiles at him. "C'mon let's get you on that couch there,lay your legs up and get some sugar into you."

"I don't want to move yet,can we wait a little bit longer? I don't want to pass out again."

"Of course. But I think it would be smart to not wait to long. The longer you wait the more afraid you will be."

"We can't leave our genius behind in Minnesota." Morgan joked,making Reid blush a little bit. 

They took it slow for the day, Reid just working from the conference room and being spoiled with soda and sugar by JJ.

It wasn't till two weeks later when he fainted again. They were standing in the bullpen at the coffeemaker when Reid suddenly grabbed Morgan's arm. "Wow what's wrong?"

"I think I will faint again- I- I- my legs."

"Alright, we are just gonna sit you down." Morgan puts his cup away and holds him close while guiding him down,placing Spencer's head on his legs. "JJ go get Gideon."

He was surprised to hear that Spencer fainted again and came worryingly into the kitchen niche were Spencer was awake again. "What happened, kiddo?"

"I think I fainted again."

"Did you eat?" A nod. "Did you drink enough?" A nod. "Okay, we will keep an eye on that, let Morgan drive you home and get some sleep." 

The third time it happened, they were in the field and Gideon just caught it in time, before his youngest agents slides down next to the SUV. "Hey Spencer" Worried he taps the geniuse's cheek. It had been five days from when he passed out in the office. "Spencer wake up." 

"Again?" Worried Hotch looks down on them.

"I will make sure he sees a doctor." Spencer didn't. He pushed it back and back and then it happened the seventh time, the last time was only yesterday. "You will leave this office now and you will go see your doctor, this is an order." Gideon says when the man is back on his feet clutching his bag anxiously. "You want me to drive you?" Spencer declined and made his way out of the office, it didn't take long till Morgan got a call, a scared Reid on the end of the line,asking him to come to the hospital. 

"Keep me updated, Morgan."

"I will."


	12. Luke

Hotch had quickly told Luke about Spencer's condition before they meet the first time but he didn't really get what it meant. He brushed it off as something that happens when he sees blood or something else that makes people faint not as something that happens nearly randomly. 

Spencer and him were standing in the parking space of the headquarters when Spencer started losing the trail of his sentence before crushing down. So Luke remembered everything that Hotch had told him, check his pulse, it is readable on his watch,then check it yourself, time the time and wait out. If he oversteps fifteen minutes call an ambulance. As fast he could he did all of those things after dragging Reid between two cars to avoid that they were run over on their first day working together he was practically praying at this point that he will wake up any second before after stressful 6 minutes for Luke he finally did.

"Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for." He felt like he just had ran a marathon. 

"This happens sometimes so-"

"Hotch already told me it's alright. No worries."


	13. Emily II

Eventhough Emily hasn't had that weird feeling that crawls through her bones when she sees Spencer faint, in a long long time, she still despises it. They were standing in a small precinct, Emily had came from London to work the case with them when Spencer suddenly holds on to the chair infront of him. "Spencer?"

"Need to sit down."

"Alright." Confident Tara guides him to the couch behind him right before he loses consciousness and falls over so that she presses his upper body down in the cushion letting his feet still stand on the ground.

"It didn't get better?" She asked disappointed. 

"No." Hotch answered looking back down on his file, at least he pretended too. 

"There must be someone who can help him with this."

"There was a doctor half a year back who tried but nothing." JJ tells her. They went back to working quietly, Tara having an eye on him, till he wakes and slowly sits up scanning the room, looking disoriented. 

"Do you remember were we are?" Tara asks carefully.

"Yeah,yes, yeah." He says slightly out of breath.

"And that would be?" Rossi asks sceptical.

"What?" 

"I asked were we are." Rossi repeats.

"Oh right, New York. New York, we are in New York."

"Good."

"And Emily is here." He adds a little bit confused but with a smile. It wasn't untypical for him to be disoriented after waking up. Emily remembers that he told her ones that when he faints it's either like no time passed at all or that he actually dreams like it's been hours. 

"I am here."


	14. Luke II

They were playing cards at the jet when Luke feels a weight on his shoulder, and curls touching his face. "What's that? No cheating,you've already got that brain of yours to cheat with."

When he got no answer,he realized what had happened, placed his cards down and reached to feel the man's pulse. "Steady." He says to JJ and Rossi sitting   
across from them. "And heavy." Rossi smiles at that. 

"Well I think we should wait on him."

"Depends, will he be sad because we didn't wait on him or angry because we did." JJ says. Since Morgan had left them and now Hotch too Spencer was one big pool of emotions. They knew it was the stress regarding the changes but the stress also didn't help him stay conscious. So this must be the around sixth time he has passed out today.

"Better angry than sad. I can better manage to feel okay with making him angry for a good reason than to have made him sad." It took Reid four minutes to come back, apologetic tugging his hair behind his ear and avoiding eye contact to Luke.

"So who was next?"


	15. Matt

Matt knew what had happened to Reid, what he just went through and he also knew what he was fighting on the side so when he looked up to the conference room after hearing a loud crash his heart stopped for a second before realizing he had just thrown a book. Which for the Spencer he met a couple of times now is something that you should be worried about. "Let me handle this, you keep checking those texts." He tells Garcia before running up the stairs to the conference room. "Do you need any help?"

"I can't pass out right now." Reid says heavily breathing. "I can't pass out right now." He repeats. "Emily needs me."

"Its not helping when you hyperventilate, sit down for a second." 

"No I figured this out its-" He shuts his eyes for a second taking a deep breath that seems to pain him. "The- the- I-"

"It's alright." Matt steps forward grabbing Reid. "Let go."

"I need to help her. The B it stands for-" Struggling he pushes his palm into his eyes. "I am- I am-"

"Its okay,I've got you." 

"It- It stands for banisteriopsis caapi- Its-" He loses the strength in his legs causing Matt to use his strength to sit him down. "It causes hallucinations. It's a plant." 

"Okay,okay, that's good. You helped,you did your job." 

"No- no- the plant, it means that- it means-" Spencer tried to push himself of the ground while talking to Matt,looking up to him. "He must tried this out- in DC- needs a partner."

"Okay, I got that."

"Can't be weak-"

"You are not being weak." Spencer staid on his shaking under arm, not looking up anymore. 

"Search for religious- religious groups,new ones,in the DC area-"

"Alright,I will, you did good." 

"Emily-" With that words on his lips he passes out laying on the conference floor. 

"Emily would be proud of you." Matt told him, before giving the information that Spencer just gave him to Penelope and then waiting for him to wake up. 

He didn't.

He didn't wake up when the ambulance arrived. He didn't wake up when Morgan showed up at his bedside. He didn't wake up when Savannah let her hands guide through his curls. He didn't wake up when Garcia cried next to him. He didn't wake up when JJ looked at him in tears. He didn't wake up when Will let's his hand guide over the thin arm. He didn't wake up when Tara let her hands guide over the so innocent face.He didn't wake up when Emily and Luke came back. Luke looking in shook at the Agent, Emily just leaning down to him and thanking him for saving her. He didn't wake up when Rossi was able to walk to him after surgery and pressed a kiss to his forehead and he didn't wake up when Henry climbed on the bed hugging him closely.

People went in and out of that room and after a few days even Hotch who was released from witness protection after Mr Scratch had been caught. 

Quietly he sat down in a chair next to his bed,Morgan had left the room to give him some time alone with him. He just watched him, wishing he had pushed him more to try more doctors, to just try more. He moved closer, placed his hand in his hair just like he always did. Like he did all those times Spencer had passed out in front of him and eventually he let himself cry. He broke down in sobs, just playing with the curls, the feeling of the soft hair between his fingers his other hand placed on top of Spencer's. 

Eventually he felt a hand on his shoulder, Rossi was standing behind him, offering comfort.

"I wasn't there for him. I promised I would never leave like Gideon and I did and I knew he was in prison and I did nothing."

"You had your family to protect."

"He is family."

"This was out of your hands, it always was."

"I should have fired him when it got worse, I should have relived the stress."

"No, you would have taken away what he loves doing the most. You can't know if there would have been a different outcome."

"I can't lose him."

"No one here can."

"Was someone with him?" Hotch asks.

"What?"

"When he passed out."

"Matt Simmons. He called the ambulance." It wasn't even someone the kid really knows Hotch thought,looking up trying to stop the tears. "He will get through this."

It was late at night when Matt stepped into the room, the beeping steady as he watched the young Agent. He didn't dare coming here before. He wished he had called the ambulance sooner over the last few days,he had prayed so much. "We always meet at the worst possible time."

"Matt?" A groogy voice asked and Matt flinched turning away from the window and to Reid. 

"Reid, try- try to stay away,I am getting a doctor. You will be okay." 

"What happened" Matt didn't even hear that when he went out of the room trying not to cause panic but also try to catch someone's attention so he went up to the desk not far from Spencer's room. 

"He is awake."

"I am sorry, Agent?" 

"The patient in room 456 is awake. He was in a coma over the last 6 days-" As the nurse rushed to Spencer's room and the doctors followed Matt got his phone out of the pocket and called Garcia. "He is awake. Spencer is awake." And then for ones, not Spencer was the one passing out, but Matt was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I will do a Part 2


End file.
